Catching Fire: Peeta's Perspective
by quintessence23
Summary: The entire Catching Fire written in Peeta's POV. How did he cope up with the pain after their Homecoming, and what was he thinking of during the Quell?
1. Homecoming

**CHAPTER 1**

**HOMECOMING**

* * *

I once had the impression that Victors are the most fortunate people in Panem. The circumstances to which they (_or should I say we?)_ got that title may be devastating at the very least, but the fortunes that await each one upon returning home seem to be a satisfactory compensation. A huge home in an exclusive area of the district (called the Victor's Village), luxurious clothes and other materials, plus an endless supply of food and money each month. It's a kind of life that everybody, especially in a dirt-poor district like ours, could only dream of having. But now, just days after being announced a Victor and seconds after our train stopped at District 12, I'm dreading being one already.

_Could this be the reason why Haymitch chose to live his life in a drunk stupor? Is that what I will eventually turn into? _

Katniss unconsciously tightens her grip on me. I stare at our intertwined hands before hesitantly looking at her face. Her grey eyes are staring blankly at me, her features twisted in unease and sadness. I push the last thought away. _Katniss has no reason to be sad; I know ho excited she is to see her family again... and maybe Gale. _

I try to keep the grimace off my face as unwanted thoughts occupy my mind once again. I focus on our interlinked hands before forcing a smile out (which I hope doesn't look fake) and acknowledging her.

"It's fine, Katniss. Relax, okay? We have an audience to satisfy."

I meant for those words to be reassuring, but as I see her wince, I realize that it came out more as mockery. I hurriedly try to make up for it.

"I mean, it's okay. Really. At least we're on the same page now."

"Peeta..."

I cut her off. "Smile, Katniss. Prim's out there waiting for you." I say, knowing that her sister's name will be the sure way to get her to focus. It works almost immediately - her eyes light up as I mentioned Prim and her lips involuntarily twitch upwards. The train doors open, allowing the spectators outside to catch us as we are looking at each other with an easy smile on our faces. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Haymitch nod in approval. _A picture perfect moment, _I think. The cameras snap wildly as they catch a glimpse of us. Katniss and I wave at them with our free hands before carefully stepping out of the train.

"There they are! Our favorite lovers, and our latest Victors! Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark! The lovely pair has now arrived in their hometown, District 12!" Caesar Flickerman's voice booms in the background. I am able to catch sight of us in the huge television situated in the left side of the train station, walking down the steps hand-in-hand. From an outsiders' perspective, the two of us look as comfortable as we can ever be, when in truth, both of us are a jumbled heap of nerves inside. I peel my eyes away from the television and the reporters as I glance around for my family, effectively blocking off the sound of Caesar's voice in the background.

The Capitol reporters and camera crews are all lined up close to the railroad track, blocking off all others from having the front row advantage. They converge towards us as we mount down the steps of the train to the platform, giddily asking us thousands of questions at once. I try to shield Katniss as much as possible from the blinding assault of the cameras and the hands that try to reach her. I've seen some homecomings on television, but I never expected it to be this chaotic in real life. The hype seems to be heightened even more with the fact that this is District 12 - a place that has conveniently been overlooked in the Games' history because of the incompetence seen in our past tributes - and that there are _two _Victors. Thankfully, Effie immediately comes to our rescue.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I believe we have an allotted time for the interviews!" She chirps in her Capitol accent while holding a microphone. "For the moment, let us all stand back and allow our beloved Victors to reunite with their families."

To my utmost surprise, the herd of reporters actually listen to Effie and steps aside to give way for our families. They are all crowded behind the press - I easily catch sight of my parents and siblings standing rather shyly through the crowd. I hear Katniss's breath hitch and whisper "Prim" before her hand slips from mine. Her family rushes to her side in an instant. I look at her in time to hear her mother say "Your cousins can hardly wait to see you!" I had no time to process the information - _what cousins? _- as my family has rushed over to me as well.

Before I know it, my two older brothers - Kale and Graham - have embraced me in a tight, brotherly hug. Both have tears in their eyes but are grinning from ear to ear.

"Way to go, 'lil bro." Kale says.

"Damn Peeta, you sure know how to make a scene, don't you?" Graham jokes.

"Forgive me for being charming." I retort back, easily falling back into our playful jabs at each other.

"Graham, Kale, cut your brother some slack." My mother says authoritatively. My back automatically stiffens - an acquired habit after many years. My eyes dart to her as I anxiously wait for her reaction, particularly to my love interest. _Please don't make a scene here, _I chant fervently in my head. _It will not help our situation in any way. _

She doesn't. Instead, she simply says: "I almost thought you'd die there, Peeta. I'm happy the girl saved you."

It's ordinarily an insulting statement, but for my mother, that one is actually the closest she can get to affection. For my mother to say that she's _happy _Katniss saved me... it speaks volumes.

"I wouldn't be here if not for her. She saved me time and time again." I whisper as I hug her awkwardly and kiss her cheek. She steps away in an instant, her discomfort at anything intimate showing profusely.

I let it go and step towards my father eagerly, who has just been standing quietly in the corner.

"Dad." I whisper as he hugs me tightly. I hear his breath hitch and it was then that I realize he's crying.

"I couldn't be more proud of you, son." He says as he slaps me lightly on the back.

"I wouldn't have made it out if not for her." I reply. It's true, and we all know it.

"Yes but you saved her, too."

I nod. My father knows how genuine my actions were in the arena. He's the one who truly understands the depth of my emotions for Katniss.

"Hello, Mellark family! It's so great to see you." I hear Effie say, surprised that she's beside me already. "I'm sorry to cut your reunion short, but you'll all have to stand in front of the podium for a short interview with the reporters!"

I groan inwardly. I see my father duplicating the look on my face, but I am able to remain composed. Katniss surely will be more of a mess than she usually is, so I need to become more focused now.

Effie directs us to the podium set up by the entrance of the train station. Katniss and her family are already there. I freeze abruptly in my tracks as I see Gale and his family standing there as well. He stares at me with a look of contempt which could once have made me cower. _Why are they there? As far as I know, Katniss and Gale aren't related... _

My eyes grow steely as I force my feet to move forward, easily taking my place beside Katniss. I take her hand in mine to keep up the act and smile warmly at the reporters.

Katniss wraps her arms around me, burying her face in the crook of my neck as she does so. "They made up a story that Gale is my cousin." Katniss rapidly whispers to my ear. This display of affection earns lots of hoots and cheers from the press and other spectators. I hug her back and hold her at arms length, smiling warmly while giving a subtle nod to show her that I got the message. We hold hands again before turning our faces to the reporters.

"Sorry, we're not used to being separated - even for just a short amount of time." I tell them warmly. The crowd cheers again.

Ten minutes into the act and I already feel so tired, but I have to keep it up. _For Katniss. _

"Okay, we will be entertaining some questions from the reporters. You have fifteen minutes, at most!" Effie says brightly in her microphone.

The first reporter, a thin, pink-haired woman, bounds over to the microphone. The train station may be small, and surely, under normal circumstances, her voice could be heard without any problems. But since the press are going crazy and there are a lot of cheers and happy comments from the crowd, the microphone becomes a necessity. There's also two situated in the podium for us.

"Hello, Katniss and Peeta. How are you feeling now that you're back in your district?"

It's a very easy question, but a tricky one for us. How can we tell them that this homecoming is the end of our relationship? I doubt they'll accept that easily. Katniss's face has taken that pained expression, so I decide to answer the question for both of us.

"It's overwhelming. But we're just so happy to be back, it's something that we'll be thankful for for the rest of our lives. Being reunited with our families makes us the happiest we can ever be."

The mention of families brings Prim to the spotlight. Another reporter comes up. "Hello. You must be Primrose Everdeen?" He says, pointing to the little girl standing beside Katniss. Katniss, in turn, protectively wraps her arms around her sister's shoulder. "I remember Katniss saying in her interview with Caesar that she promised you that she'll do her best to come home. How are you feeling now that she has fulfilled her promise to you?"

Prim beams her sunny smile at them, totally winning them over. Cameras click and flash in front of us. "Of course I'm very happy. Seeing her in the arena was really frightening for us. We can never know what's gonna happen next. But my sister is strong, and I'm just so happy she came back. I know she'll do everything to keep her promise to me because that's how she is. And I'm even happier because she has found someone who looks after her too, and who loves her so much." Prim looks meaningfully at me then, and I feel myself flush brightly in response. Her words bear so much honesty, but how will she take it when she finds out the truth?

_If only she knew..._

"Anything for you, little duck." Katniss says affectionately, ruffling her sisters hair a bit. I wrap my arms around Katniss's shoulders and kiss her temple tenderly.

More cheers erupt.

"Does that mean that you approve of Peeta?" The reporter asks again.

"Of course." Prim answers easily. "I mean, why wouldn't I? Peeta is such a handsome and strong man, and everyone can see how much he loves my sister. I couldn't ask for anything more. He's perfect for her, like they're made specially for each other."

Her words make my heart flutter happily in response. It's obvious that Prim believed everything that she saw in the Games. But I scold myself before her words could get into my head. _It means nothing, nothing at all now. Her approval doesn't matter, because Katniss doesn't want you that way, _I remind myself.

The masochism works instantly.

_Ah, Prim. If only your approval is all it takes to make Katniss like me that way... _

"May we ask Mrs. Everdeen what she thinks of Katniss's new boyfriend?"

My face go even redder as I wait for her reaction. Surely, she won't be very approving, especially after all those kisses in the arena.

Mrs. Everdeen chuckles lightheartedly. "About that... Peeta Mellark is the very model of what a young man should be - he's decent, charming, and very protective of Katniss. I like him for that. Prim's right, I can see how much he loves my daughter. However, in my opinion, Katniss isn't old enough to have a boyfriend at all." She says, looking me straight in the eye. I cringe, dropping Katniss's hand and stepping a bit away from her. She chuckles again.

The reaction from the crowd varies from "Someone's in trouble!" to "Awwww" to "Surely something can be worked out!" to a thousand other comments. It takes a while before everyone is pacified and the questioning resumes again. The next question is directed at my family.

"How about the Mellarks? What is your reaction to Peeta's relationship with Katniss? Do you approve?"

My head whipped around to look at my mother, afraid again of what she has to say. Thankfully, it's my father who takes the microphone. "My wife and I think that Katniss is a beautiful young lady. We have a lot to thank her for, especially for saving Peeta in the arena. She's very much welcome in the Mellark family, but if her mother objects to the relationship now, I'm sure Peeta can wait another few years before it can be official. I mean, he waited for 11 years. He can wait for a few more, especially now that they have bonded already. We respect Lillian's opinion."

The crowd cheers again. I smile at my dad, and in the corner of my eye, I see Mrs. Everdeen smile a bit as well. I wonder idly how my dad feels right now, especially with the whole Panem knowing that he has a thing for her.

"Thank you for that, Arthur." She says quietly.

People start chanting that Katniss and I should hold hands again, so we do. However, I look at Mrs. Everdeen first and ask her: "Mrs. Everdeen, I'm sorry for doing this just now, but... may I have your permission to hold Katniss's hand?" This of course generates another wave of applause, and she has no choice but to comply. "I suppose holding hands is okay."

The questions resume when the crowd has settled. "And Peeta's brothers? When he was called, did any of you feel the need to volunteer in his place?"

Graham, my eldest brother, speaks up. "I certainly felt terrified when I heard his name. I mean, that's my little brother in there. But I couldn't take his place because I'm past the reaping age already, and Kale... well, I'm pretty sure I know why he didn't volunteer. It's our way of helping Peeta to finally get to talk to the girl she's been eyeing for so long."

Graham says this with a smirk so I playfully elbow him in the ribs. The press nods in assent, throwing comments along the line that he made the right decision, because otherwise Panem will not have it's well-loved star-crossed lovers now.

It's like a punch in the gut over and over again.

"Peeta, you've gotten Mrs. Everdeen's reaction, how about her handsome cousin? Do you plan to ask permission from him too?"

I can feel Katniss stiffen beside me. I do, too. The question has caught me off-guard, but I quickly compose myself.

"Well, yes, of course. Gale and his family is very protective of Katniss, and they're very important to her so I'm certain that I also need their approval first."

"Gale?" The reporter probes, looking pointedly at him.

"Whatever makes Katniss happy." He replies stiffly.

"Then I guess it's all settled then!" The reporter squeals. "Everyone sees how _totally _happy and in-love they are!" The others murmur their agreement. I keep a tight smile on my face, not even bothering to look in Gale's direction.

"Having two Victors is a first in the Games, and this is a very great achievement especially for your district, which has the least number of Victors in all of Panem. How do you feel about this?" Another one asks me and Katniss.

"Well... Haymitch directed us well." I reply. _Where is Haymitch, anyway? _"He really should be the one taking credit for our victory. It's not an easy task for him, and he handled it fairly well, what with the booze and all." I say. They all laugh merrily, probably remembering that scene during our reaping where Haymitch fell of the stage because he's so drunk. I squeeze Katniss's hand, willing her to speak up. She has been awfully quiet since the interview started, offering only a few smiles and rare comments.

"We're so grateful to our mentor for really trying to get us far. And of course, for the sponsors." She says.

"We're both deliriously happy to be alive, and we're happy that the district will finally have it's taste of pride from the Games." I finish.

"Do you plan to live together in the Victor's Village?" Another reporter asks.

I know Katniss will not answer this, so I decide to take the lead.

"We all heard what Katniss's mother said earlier, so no, I don't think so. I mean, I'd like that to happen of course, but we'll have to wait for the right time. In the meantime, maybe we can settle on visiting each other's place, if that's okay with Mrs. Everdeen." I can add something like: '_And we have the whole future for that, so there are no hurries,_' but I know I shouldn't.

I hear Katniss's sigh of relief when she hears my answer, and I know that she's grateful I didn't mention anything about the future.

This went on and on for a few more minutes. They try to press for more information on our "plans" for the future, but we effectively avoid talking about it. It's easy to notice how the press tries to interview all our family members about our victory, but the center of attention is _always _our relationship. The star-crossed lovers of District 12 - two people who fought hard in the Games and defied the rules so as to not lose each other. The Capitol people are so caught up in our love story, it's probably going to be chaotic when this ends.

Which poses a bigger problem for us. _How are we going to tell everyone that the love story they so adored is coming to an end?_ I'm pretty sure that Katniss wouldn't want to be stuck in this arrangement with me all her life.

I would have had more enthusiasm in this whole thing _if _it's real. Only, it isn't.

"Okay, everyone!" Effie thrills a little later. I have a feeling that the entire interview lasted way more than the allotted 15 minutes. "I believe the time's up! We must let our Victors go to their new homes now! Mayor Undersee?"

A new buzz is heard among the Capitol press at the mention of "new homes." The tall, balding mayor steps up on the stage with a huge smile on his face. He moves toward Katniss and I and proceeds to hug each of us tightly - though in an awkward manner as our hands are still entwined - while murmuring his Congratulations.

Mayor Undersee steps forward and takes the microphone.

"The entire District 12 is so proud of the accomplishment of these brave souls. Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark are two young people who proved to all of Panem that the impossible can indeed be made possible with enough dedication and willpower. It is an honor for our entire district to welcome them back. Congratulations, Katniss and Peeta. The odds have been in your favor."

The mayor's speech is rewarded with a thunderous applause. We are led by several Peacekeepers down the podium and out of the station, with some of the reporters following closely behind. As we step out into the open area, we are greeted by what seems like the whole District 12 population. Everyone cheers as they catch a glimpse of us. I freeze in my tracks, overwhelmed by the welcoming reception.

"Wow." Katniss whispers beside me. I glance at her and see that her eyes are almost filled with tears, her face contorted in a very weird expression. Deliberately, I slowly raise our entwined hands over our heads. A united front. The crowd roars louder. Somehow, despite receiving the same kind of enthusiasm at every public appearance that Katniss and I had at the Capitol, getting the same welcome from our District is even more heartwarming. Nothing beats the happiness that comes when the people you care about most are the ones cheering you on. I know that Katniss feels exactly the same way; she has been passive the entire time we're at the Capitol, but in a similar reception here in District 12, Katniss is able to feel moved, despite the circumstances to which we are being cheered upon.

We wait for the crowd to settle down, greeting them with waves, huge smiles, and kisses all the while. Mayor Undersee ushers us at the back of a black, tinted car; one that is considered to be such luxury here in our District. Only the high-ranking people have one, and that includes the Mayor (not that any one of us need a car, anyway. District 12 is small enough to be traveled by foot.) I've seen this a few times before; even the Mayor refrains from using it and he only does so on special occasions such as those televised by the Capitol.

The black car now brings us from the train station to the Victor's Village. Once inside the car, Katniss and I resume our cold relationship. I immediately remove my hand from hers for fear that she may feel uncomfortable, and she busies herself by looking outside the windows. We, however, are careful to stay close to each other just in case that some photographers are able to sneak some shots of us inside the car. Her family and mine were ushered in a truck - one that is owned by Head Peacekeeper Cray, I believe - and they too will be brought to the Victor's Village to witness the cutting of the ribbon.

It doesn't take long for us to reach the area. While it is a considerable distance away from the rest of the district, the Village is still relatively close, about 20 minutes by foot to town, I suppose. It is unlike any other place in District 12, with its lush greenery and huge houses. A wrought iron gate bearing the name Victor's Village on top separates it from the others.

The houses are spaced evenly apart, with a spacious lawn in front planted with trees on the sides and decorated with various colorful flowers all around. There are twelve houses in total, with four on the left side, four on the right side, and four directly facing the gate. The middle space is a vast beautiful greenery of more trees, and there is also a paved area for cars.

The car stops in the first house on the left. I head out of the car and hold my hands out for Katniss to hold. She takes it with a beautiful smile lighting her face, and I feel my heart thump painfully in response. Since learning their strategy, the only thing that my mind can conjure up is: "_That smile is not for you, Peeta. It's all for show._" so that I can prevent myself from getting to carried away and to keep myself in the right place. I would never want Katniss to think that I'm taking advantage of our situation so that I can do all these things to her.

Our families arrive a few minutes after we do, and once the party is complete, the Mayor assembles us in front of the house. It has a huge ribbon attached from one tree to another. As I look around the small crowd gathered, I can see that some of the camera crews didn't come. The reception allowed here was probably regulated to give it a more intimate air... but not quite succeeding.

Katniss and I stand with our hands interlinked again, while our families stay on each of our sides. I can see my mom evaluating the new house, and I suddenly wonder how she will like it here.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we stand here in front of Katniss Everdeen's new home. Being a Victor guarantees having the best life possible, and the Capitol generously offers this house to our latest one as a congratulatory gift and a reminder of what she has bravely accomplished."

Mayor Undersee then hands Katniss a brass key and a pair of scissors. He then guides her towards the ribbon and ceremoniously cuts it. We repeat the same procedure when he presents my house, which is just three houses away from Katniss's - the leftmost one in the row of houses facing the gate of the Village.

Everyone claps and cheers for us. The Mayor also informs us that our houses are already filled with clothes, utensils, food, and other things that we may need. The camera crews start filing out one by one once the ribbon cutting is over, and after all the congratulatory hugs and pictures, we are finally left alone with our families. I look at Katniss and subtly removed my hand from hers.

The pain from the separation is inevitable, especially with the thought that this will be all over soon and we'll be living our separate lives, just like we did before we went into the Games.

"I guess I'll have to go to my house now. Show Prim and my mother around..." She says in a small voice. I look at her and nod my head slowly, not knowing what else to say. I can feel our family's eyes on us so I keep masking my emotions with an indifference which I hope is unrecognizable to them.

"Goodbye, Peeta."

_Will the pain ever come to an end? _

"Goodbye, Katniss."

* * *

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_

_**What do you think? Thank you so much for reading! But also... please take the time to make a review for the story, it will really mean a lot to me. **_

_**I'm not so sure about the position of the houses, but I decided to just make it that way because at one point of their conversation (in the later part of the story), Peeta says that he lives "three houses away" from Katniss. So... yeah. Tell me if you have suggestions, this part is really troubling me. I mean, why didn't they just live beside each other? **_

_**Again, thank you for taking the time to read my work! The characters and plot are all Suzanne Collins'. PLEASE REVIEW! I really need to hear what you have to say.**_

_**Lots of love. S**_


	2. Bread

**CHAPTER 2**

**BREAD**

* * *

The eerie silence surrounding me makes me panic even further as I jolt awake. Sweat drip from my face and body, effectively soaking my shirt even with the cool night air from the open windows. I peer around my dark room and let my gaze settle on the luminescent light of the moon as I anxiously try to calm my rapidly beating heart.

_It's just a dream. Just a dream, _I repeat in my head over and over.

This has been what, the fourth time that I woke up in a span of five hours? The clock situated in my bedside table dimly shows that it's only 3 in the morning. Naturally, I can still take a few hours of sleep before my day has officially begun, but I am hesitant to go back to sleep. The nightmares keep on taunting me, and it's even worse that Katniss is alwaysthe star on each of them, varying from vivid images of her dying as the mutts ripped her body apart at the Cornucopia and to a more subtle but equally devastating dream where she's in the woods with Gale.

_I lose her in every single dream, _I think bitterly. _Just like how it is in real life... no, not really. Because I didn't really lose her, in the technical sense of the word. She was never mine to begin with. _

And I can't take it. Even through the pain of betrayal, I still find myself unable to even get mad at her. Disappointed, yes. But mad at her? Never. How can I be, when I know all along that I am nothing special; that I have _nothing _against Gale?

_You were just a poor, clumsy boy that she had to save in the arena. Those things happened in there because you're weak - and she's so kind-hearted and unselfish that she even got out of her way to save your ass. _

The tightness on my chest returned again as my thoughts took that path. I have been growing accustomed to this feeling, but I still find the sadness crushing me further down each time. It's even worse because now I have to live alone in this big new house.

I don't want to be alone, but there's nothing much that I can do. Surprisingly, it was my mother who insisted that they stay in the bakery. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I keep wondering if she really just don't want to leave the house and bakery unattended at night, or if she just doesn't want to stay here because she's not all too happy of my victory. That she doesn't think I deserve this, because really, what have I done in the arena other than to flirt with Katniss and let her do all the job of saving both of us?

It's funny how insecure I have become since learning about the awful truth.

* * *

_"We should get going too, Peeta." My mother says. _

_"Oh, right." I answer, blinking out of the daze I fell in as I watch Katniss go. "Let's go inside, the air's getting a bit cold now." I start heading towards the front door of our new house. _

_"Peeta, we're going home." She insists. _

_My eyebrows scrunch together, the confusion settling in. "But this is your home, right?"_

_An uncomfortable silence passed between us as my brothers look everywhere but me, and I catch my parents exchange a guarded look. Finally, my father speaks up. _

_"We're not staying with you, son. We're staying in town at the bakery. The Capitol workers have brought your things in this new house, so everything's settled already." _

_I look at each one of them as the words register. "Why? I mean, you can stay here and we can still keep the bakery."_

_"I don't want to live here. It disgusts me to live with Seam people." Mother says disgustedly. I can't help but notice the way she said "Seam people", and the way that her lips curled to a sneer. I suddenly realize that she might be cross over that story I told in the arena about my dad and Katniss's mother. _

_"Cecil..." My dad warns._

_"You can still come at the bakery to make yourself useful rather than to hang around all day with that Seam brat." Mother continues, unfazed by dad's cautious glare. _

_"Stop calling Katniss and her family that way." I say firmly. My mother looks surprised at my outburst; no doubt she has been expecting me to cower and stay quiet as I have done all my life. But not this time. I'm not going to let her poor judgement of the Everdeens pass, especially if it's affecting our family. "Katniss is a Victor, mom. Living in the Seam before this doesn't make her less of a person. " _

_She purses her lips in a tight line. Graham and Kale starts making those weird choking noises - something they do purposefully to make fun of me. My mother silences them with a glare before turning her attention to me. I can immediately sense an argument coming, but dad thankfully talks first. _

_"We just don't want to leave the bakery without anyone inside. Don't worry son, we'll visit you here often, and of course you're welcome to drop by at the bakery. We can have dinner together, every day." _

_"Besides, I think you need all the privacy you can get, Peet." Graham adds with a wink. Kale grins conspiratorially. _

_"If you don't want to stay here, then I'll stay with you at the bakery." I tell them firmly, ignoring my brothers' snide comments. _

_Dad clears his throat as another uncomfortable air hung over us. "Son, I don't think that's allowed. The Capitol requires all Victors to live here, that's the protocol."_

_Ah yes, the Capitol. The key to this new home suddenly feels a thousand times heavier as I remember mine and Katniss's dilemma. She mentioned Snow being pissed off with our attempt at suicide, thus creating the necessity of having to follow all orders and being obedient to all Capitol demands. Which means... if my family doesn't want to stay with me at the Victors' Village, then I have no other choice but to live alone. _

_What's the point of winning if I don't get to share it with anyone? I mentally kick myself again for thinking in the arena that Katniss could possibly want to have a life with me. The only people I have left now to share my victory with is my family, but even they don't want to be part of it. If only I just died there... Katniss wouldn't be troubled with any problem anymore. _

_I've never felt lonelier. _

* * *

The anxiety continue to build inside me as I sit on the edge of my bed. I begin pacing awkwardly across the room, tousling my hair as I try to think of what to do. The room starts to feel suffocating so I walk hurriedly out of it, turning on lights in the hallway so I don't have to stumble around in the darkness. I still haven't grown used to my new leg, and I didn't want to take my chances and end up getting another injury. I walk mindlessly through the house and immediately find myself standing in the middle of the - _my _- kitchen, suddenly feeling overwhelmed at the mere sight of it. This is the first time I've been in it; when I got inside the house hours ago, I felt too drained to look around the house so I just went upstairs and got in the first bedroom I came across with.

This space is more than what I've dreamed my future kitchen will be like. The space is wide and open, furnished beautifully with marble counter tops, white cabinets, a humongous refrigerator, oven, and stove. I walk experimentally around, trying to get myself accustomed to the huge space and smiling lightly as I take it all in. I open the cabinets and find more treasures inside - stacks of plates, utensils, cooking materials, and other what-nots are neatly placed in their own spaces. The mayor wasn't even joking when he said that our new home is already equipped with food and other things we need - the refrigerator is filled with different kinds of fruits and food that I never really expected to have.

I sigh contentedly as I stand in the middle of the kitchen. The sadness weighing me down before comes back again as I think of how much dad would have loved this kitchen too. _Perhaps I can make him change his mind when he sees this, _I wonder. However, I shake the thought away immediately because I know that there's really nothing much I can do to change my mother's mind.

I begin opening the cabinets in a haste, stupidly wanting to avoid the sinking feeling in my chest. I start thinking what would have happened if I died in that arena. Would things have been better? Would Katniss be happier and more relaxed, my mother more satisfied? I move more quickly, grabbing ingredients and shoving them against the marble countertop as my mind conjures up the only answer I can give myself for that thought.

_Yes. Yes, it's more likely that they'll be happier._

So why, then, am I still alive now? Why didn't I die in the Hunger Games as I was supposed to? Everything in life has a purpose; surely, the fact that I am still alive means that I am still needed in this world?

But until that time, I'd first have to learn how to survive each day with these unwanted thoughts in my head.

* * *

By the time I've finished baking, I have already explored the entire house and discovered that it has more rooms than I've ever imagined a house should have. It has a dining area, a spacious living room, four bedrooms (each with its own bathroom), a study room, laundry and stock room, a television room, and a comfort room downstairs. The sun has already risen as I arrange the freshly baked bread in the counter, instantly realizing that my troubled mind led me to make more than what I can eat. It's certain that I'll be baking another batch tomorrow and my family doesn't need one, so I'm left with only one choice: share some of it to my new neighbors.

Which means that I'll be seeing Katniss.

_Or maybe you're really just trying to make a way to see her. _

I hurriedly place one loaf of bread and one dozen cookies each to two separate paper bags before heading upstairs to take a shower. Much to my delight, the Capitol provided our new homes with the same luxuries that they have there. The shower did little to calm my nerves, so I leave it exasperatedly and resign myself to face the task at hand.

_Be a man, Peeta. It's just Katniss. _

I open what I assume to be the cabinet for my clothes - and to my surprise, discover that it's a small walk-in cabinet containing an assortment of all kinds of clothes. I skim my hand through the fabrics of each one, easily realizing that these pieces can only be Portia's work. I make a mental note to ask Effie for her number so that I can thank her properly; after all, it will still be a few months before I'll have the chance to see her personally again.

My momentary amusement at my most recent discovery disappeared just as quickly as it had come. I move downstairs at a leisurely pace, checking and double checking the contents of the package I was about to give and tasting the bread that I left for myself. Satisfied that it tastes decent enough, I finally hurry out of the front door so as to not lose my nerve or start having a panic attack.

I move in the direction of Haymitch's house first. The cool air from the night before is still present, and a light speck of orange still lingers in the horizon. I breathe deeply as I walk along the pavement, appreciating the beauty of my new surroundings. It's easy to fall in love with the village - with the thick greenery, the abundance of colorful flowers, and the large, evenly spaced houses. _If only it were that easy to forget how I came here in the first place. _

I stop in front of Haymitch's door and knock abruptly. There are no gates for all the twelve houses, only a spacious garden in front of each. I stand outside while trying to listen for any sound that may indicate that Haymitch is about to open the door, but none came.

"Haymitch?" I call out. _Could he still be asleep?_

Still nothing.

I try rapping on his door and saying his name loudly a few more times before I finally decide to try opening his door. As I have been under the impression that victors live a more cautious life after those life-threatening experiences in the arena, I stand in his unlocked door for a few seconds as the shock registered in before allowing myself to go inside, still calling out his name.

The sound of soft snores echoed across the hallway. I wrinkle my nose as the foul smell assaulted me, carefully wounding my way around the mess of empty alcohol bottles and dirty clothes on the floor. I've never thought of Haymitch to be_ this _dirty, and I wonder if I should suggest to him that he must get a house cleaner. I shudder at the thought that this could easily be my future if I don't hold myself together. _Did Haymitch get into a depressed state after he won for him to be this drunk and careless about his life?_

There, lying on the floor beside one of the chairs in his dining room and two empty bottles, is Haymitch. I place the packages that I'm holding on the table before squatting beside his head to rouse him up.

"Haymitch!" I say loudly, tapping him the shoulder as I did so.

His eyes open abruptly at the sound and his arms blindingly sweep from his side towards me. The glint of the knife that he's holding and directing towards me registered to me a second too late, leaving me no time to back away at a safe distance. The tip of the knife grazed my left arm and left a long, bleeding gash.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I say hurriedly, raising my hands up and backing away from his half-crouched body. "It's only me, Haymitch!"

He has now come fully to his senses; his eyes widening like saucers as he saw me half-sitting, half-standing in his dining area.

"What are you doing here, boy?" He says in a disgruntled voice. "You really shouldn't wake people up like that. Didn't you see the knife I was holding?"

"I was more focused on your state to really worry if you're armed or not." I mutter.

"Well you should have known that the moment you stepped in. Didn't you learn anything at all in the arena? It's Self Defense 101."

"Self Defense 101 should begin with a locked door." I argue. "That's exactly what I was thinking when I stepped in."

"Well now you know." Haymitch adds, leaning his weight in the chair to help him stand up. "Sorry about your arm."

"It's fine."

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"I came to bring you some bread. I baked some this morning, and I won't really be able to eat all of it, so I thought I'll share some with you." I am up on my feet now and clutch one of the packages toward him with my hand that's not yet covered with blood.

"Ah, yes. Bread boy."

I smirk, not at all surprised by Haymitch's lack of gratitude. I move towards the bathroom near the kitchen. "You don't mind if I use your bathroom to wash off the blood, do you?"

"Go on, go on..." He mutters absentmindedly. "And the other package is for Katniss, I guess?"

I stop on my tracks, suddenly aware of his gaze on my back. "Katniss... and Prim, and Mrs. Everdeen." I answer, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Tension's gone, then?"

"I wouldn't push my luck, Haymitch." I tell him sourly, grabbing the other package with my hand and striding out of the room, completely ignoring my still bleeding arm.

Haymitch merely laughs at my attitude, knowing that he has struck a nerve. "Things will get better, boy." He calls out after me. "She'll come to her senses, I know."

* * *

I rush out of Haymitch's house in a daze, resolving to never bake any excess from now on - whether accidentally or not - or, in the case that it happens again, to just bring the bread to the bakery. I find myself knocking outside the Everdeen's house faster than I'd imagined, leaving me no time to back out or to change my mind as I hear the footsteps inside.

"Who is it?" I hear Prim's voice say from the door.

"It's me, Prim. Peeta."

The door opened in an instant, Prim's petite body bounding out of it with a huge grin on her face. "Hi Peeta!" She says as she hugged me right on the spot.

"Oh, hi Prim." I answer meekly, surprise evident on my face at her pleasantness, ruffling her hair tenderly. _Why can't Katniss be more like this? _I think glumly.

"I was really hoping you'd come by. I can't wait to know more about you!" She chatters excitedly as she grabs my hand and pulls me inside their house with her. "Sit there. Katniss is still upstairs. I'll call her, hang on."

"Prim, no!" I say a bit too loudly, stopping her from dashing up the stairs to ask Katniss to go down. Her eyebrows raise in confusion, and I suddenly realize that Prim is still probably unaware of our situation. "Uh... I just don't want you to wake her up. I just dropped by to give you some bread, I can always come by later when she's up already."

Mercifully, Prim seems to accept my weak explanation as she comes right beside me with a sly grin on her face. "I really don't think she'll mind, you know."

"Yeah, I know. But... I do mind." I say feebly. "She needs all the rest she can get."

Prim seems to evaluate me for a moment. "You are _too _nice, you know."

Her words caught me up short, but luckily, Mrs. Everdeen arrives in the living room just then to spare me the trouble of thinking for a suitable reply.

"Hello Peeta," She says softly.

I fidget in my position, feeling myself turn red. "Good morning Mrs. Everdeen. I... I just came to bring you some bread."

Her face turns appreciatively at the package that I'm holding. "That's really nice of you, Peeta. I hope you didn't get into too much trouble just to bake for us."

"Oh no, not at all." I answer hurriedly. "I was baking earlier because I couldn't fall asleep, and I guess I didn't notice that I baked too much. My family wouldn't want it, so I decided to give some to you and Haymitch. I passed by his house before going here, actually.

Before Mrs. Everdeen had time to respond, Prim gasps audibly beside me. I look at her worriedly, then I realize that she's staring at my left arm.

"What happened to your arm, Peeta?"

I feel my face burning deeper as the two of them stare at it, waiting for my response. Prim, however, wasted no time and dragged me gently to the chair. Mrs. Everdeen turned away from the room.

"It's just a cut, Prim. I didn't notice that Haymitch was holding a knife when I came into his house earlier."

"Haymitch cut you?" I hear someone say. Someone that could be none other than Katniss herself. I groan internally - I didn't really want her to see or know that I got hurt, further emphasizing what sort of a loser I really am - when compared to Gale, that is.

"Oh, hi Katniss. No... it was an accident. I came to his house to give him the bread, and he wasn't answering and I found his front door unlocked so I came in. I found him sleeping on the floor of his kitchen, and when I tried to rouse him up, he was suddenly very alert and the next thing I know, I got cut by the knife that he's holding." Katniss and Prim's face register that of shock at my story. "I was crouched so close to him because I was tapping his shoulder, so I didn't have time to move away when he swung his arms towards me." I add defensively.

"Haymitch sleeps with a knife on his hand?"

"Apparently, yes."

Mrs. Everdeen comes back into the room, clutching what looks like a first aid kit in her hands. "You should be careful next time you rouse him up, Peeta. Or maybe it's better if you don't try to wake him up at all."

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind."

Katniss hovers uneasily in the seat opposite me as Prim works over my cut while her mother supervises. I voice out my awe at her skill in healing; Katniss wasn't exaggerating about Prim's capabilities. Katniss mutters her assent at this, but otherwise, she stayed seated in her spot without so much as a glance at me. I do my best to avert my eyes from her as well, thus contributing to the rising tension in the air. It's only Prim's constant babble that seems to prevent things from exploding.

At this point in time, it seems like things will never get better anymore.

* * *

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_

_**Hello guys! I am so so so sorry for taking too long to post this chapter. I've just been quite busy the past few month, but I promise to make it up to you and update as often as I did before. **_

_**Anyway, I hope you find this chapter interesting. Chapter 3 will be all about the festivities following their victory. **_

_**Please - read and review! I always like hearing (or rather, reading) what you have to say about my writing. Thank you so much! **_


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